Conquering In The Nude.-
Nudity opened a gateway for me to explore my body, and own myself without asking for permission to be, to be liked, appreciated, admired, etc. It was never about getting the admiration of others or showing off my body, It is a decision I made to discover my own self, because Ive always felt that loving who I am is directly connected with knowing and discovering my identity and life purpose. I have never felt that discovering who I am could be achieved by giving myself to another being.
I know that finding myself, is a process that starts within, that no matter how good I look on the outside, or how clothes or make up enhance my appearance, if I don’t like the person I am inside. I will never be fulfilled.
When I was a teenager I wasn’t fulfilled with myself because I was teased for my petite shape. Prior to being bullied for my size I have never looked down upon myself. I thought I was perfect. But my pain grew even deeper when my mother got worried about my size. Even when my physician at the time, told my mother that I was completely healthy that confirmation didn’t heal my pain. I still thought something was wrong with me.
After puberty my body didn’t bloom like that of woman. I began to question my health, my appearance, even my worth. Over time being bullied for my size took a toll on me, to the point where I stopped looking at my reflection in the mirror. I was extremely displeased with my size, I wanted to look bigger, I wanted to become more than what I was, to be acceptable or maybe to be seen as normal.
My decision to explore my body in the nude is a healing process and it’s also a personal promise I’ve made to myself to conquer who I am and to never be enslaved by the opinions of others or let their projections define me. I have rejected many propositions in the past such as participating in “Miss Haiti”, participating in fashion shows etc, just because I was more obsessed with the meaning and depth in becoming something valuable and worthy, than to be admired merely for my beauty, or anything that fades with time. Even then, I knew I wanted to be a nude model, I knew that nudity was my only escape.
In the nude I am me, simply me. Even if I am still conquering myself. I am proud to say that the opinions of others do not affect me anymore. Nothing touches me the same way, I have conquered a big demon and even if I still have flaws and insecurities, I know with time none of them will have power over me. Because of the promise I made to myself to conquer “ME”.